Disrespect in marriages: Do you have a disrespectful wife?... Here is what to do

Generally, respect is a big deal for all men and most men don’t handle disrespect too well.  When disrespected, some men revert to violence, recklessness and seeking advice from people thereby making it all worst.

A friend of mine once told me the experience he had in a bar while drinking with his friends. One of his friends came back by 3 am in the morning and his wife locked him out, refusing to open the door until daybreak.

The man in question was so confused on how to handle the wife and hence brought it to his friends at the bar to seek advice. After he narrated his experience, most of the men there flared up, some swearing they will divorce their wives if that happens to them. Some even told the distressed man he is a fool for tolerating that from a woman he married with his hard earned money. 

My friend observed that all the advices coming from everyone were to scatter and destroy. As expected by the time they went back to drinking, the man that was locked out was vibrating with anger in anticipation of how to deal mercilessly with his wife for locking him out. 

When the angry man excused himself to go home and  confront his wife. My friend called him to one side and told him to be careful while taking advice from drunk men in a bar. Most of the men telling him to go and kill his wife will not react the same way but will rather apologize to their wife when faced with the same situation. Going home to put his home on fire, the fire will turn back and burn him. 

He advised him to go home and make peace with his wife instead of fight. He further told him that whatever his wife will do to him and he will not like it, let him not do same to his wife, what goes around comes around. If the wife did not lock him out to teach him, but decides to start coming back by 3 am just like him, how will he like it? I guess not very much.

Now let’s look at respect in marriage. The bible instructions for Christian Households are “wives submit yourselves unto your own husband, as unto the Lord “and “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it”(Ephesians 5: 22, 25). This was the instruction given by God to husband and wife. 

Now let’s look at the same (Ephesians 5: 21) “Submit to one another out of reverence for God”.  I strongly believe that God instructed both couples to submit to one another first before they can carry out their various duties (of submitting to a husband and loving the wife) effectively.

Submitting to one another is all about having mutual respect for each other. As a husband you cannot disrespect and put your wife down and expect her to respect you. Respect in marriage is reciprocal. Everyone is worthy of respect as an individual because every human being is created in God’s image with a purpose and place in life. Husbands should dignify their wives by treating her as he wishes to be treated himself. (Matthew 7:12).

If you want to be respected, you must respect others. If you as a husband don’t understand this golden rule of life, you will demean and dismiss your wife, forgetting that respect is something to be earned and not to be demanded. Earning the respect of your wife is very vital to maintain a healthy marriage. 

If your marriage is so rough right now, you will find out that you respecting your wife or your wife respecting you will be very difficult. 

Many men are struggling with their marriages today because they have lost their wives respect. This happens when a man demands instead of earning their wives respect. For demanding respect from your wife, you will find yourself raising your voice, berating, barking orders, bullying, complaining and scowling at your wife. 

Some men will go to the extent of dominating their wives, using physical and emotional abuse, relegating their wives to mere bedmates, housekeepers or just the mother of their children with nothing attached and treating their wives as second class citizens because they believe women are only to be seen and not heard, they impose on their wives while denying her wifely rights and privileges. 

This negative disposition surely back fires on such husband because that is definitely not the way to a woman’s heart.

When a coach yells, bullies, demean and intimidate his team, he cannot get the best out of them, like that threat and coercion don’t win a woman over. Know that you as a husband will always be disappointed if you demand respect from your wife, she may fear you because you assault and ill-treat her but she will not respect you. 

You see there is a great difference between fear and respect. No wife will truly respect a man who assaults her and doesn't meet her emotional, physical, spiritual and intellectual needs.

So to help your marriage today, you as a man must first love your wife. Studies have shown that women have no difficulty respecting and submitting to a man who shows them unconditional love. That is why God said love your wife and your wife to submit to you. You don't love your wife, yet you expect her to submit to you. It doesn't work well that way, because that is not the instruction given.

Loving your wife is not telling her she is the apple of your eyes and queen in your life, gifts  or becoming meek to a fault etc, to love your wife is to embrace her uniqueness, the difficulty of her personality and forgive her for being her. 

To do this successfully, you must love her unconditionally just as Christ love the church. And how does Christ loves the church? HE laid down HIS life for it. When you love your wife eloquently, proactively and selflessly, every other thing in your marriage will fall into place. Marriage should be enjoyed not endured. Maintaining a happy home is a co-join effort of both couples. It is a 50-50 affair.

And there is no way you can successfully apply these principles if you are not a spiritual person. The bible says that "natural man receiveth not the things of the spirit of God, for they are foolishness unto him; neither can he know them because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Cor 2:14). 

So you see, you need to submit your life to God so you will have the grace and power to practice these and then begin to enjoy your marriage.

Source: www.inspirenewlife.blogspot.com

Some of the write up here was taken from Christian Women Mirror (The manual of successful marriage)