Weekend Relationship Tool: The Key to Going From “Just Friends” to More Than Just Friends

Many years ago when I was single, I had a roommate. One day, we were at a record store; and she struck up a conversation with a man who worked there. They had a lot in common music-wise and the conversation was great. But she was 10 years younger than he was, and she insisted he wasn’t her “type.” So they became friends.

They talked music, they went to concerts, and did all kinds of things friends do together. Until they become lovers. Turns out she wasn’t really his type either, yet he had always found himself inexplicably attracted to her from the beginning. And, by the time he revealed this, my friend’s feelings had already been turning romantic for him.

They’re now happily married. What seemed (from the outside) like a friendship that could never get romantic turned into a life-long love story.

The Key Was That He Was Always Into Her

If it had been the other way around – if my roommate had been totally into him, and he just considered her a pal – this would never have gone further than friendship. She would also have ended up feeling humiliated and wounded.

“When a friendship turns into a love relationship, the attraction was usually there for the man from the beginning.”

While it may be tempting to tell a man you’re friends with that you’re attracted to him in a romantic way, you’ll get nowhere if he’s not already attracted to you. And it won’t make him fall for you. He won’t want anything more than a fling or a friends-with-benefits type of arrangement. And if you want more, you’re only going to end up getting hurt.

What It Should Feel Like

A relationship depends on the man being attracted to the woman, so that you never question if he’s “into you.”

When a friendship turns into a love relationship, the attraction was usually there for the man from the beginning. But for whatever reason, he opted for “friends” and didn’t pursue the romance.

Sometimes, it’s possible to change your vibe so totally that you feel like a different woman to him, and the original attraction he felt for you gets ramped up to a place where he’s clearly and obviously “into you.”

There are specific subtle shifts you can make in yourself that will magically cause a change in the man you’re interacting with so that he can’t help but fall for you.

Picture this: You’re with a man you are attracted to and you want him to feel attracted to you. You are very careful to say interesting, witty things and engage him in deep conversation. But does it really matter what you say? Sometimes a man can feel magnetized by you without you having to say anything.

Here are some body language do’s and don’ts for sparking a romantic feeling of attraction in him:

Don’t: Lean Forward

When you lean forward toward a man while you’re sitting or standing, it can feel masculine and aggressive to him. It changes your physical and emotional “vibe” and subconsciously feels like you’re chasing him.

To counteract this, simply lean back. Just tilt your body backwards when you’re around a man and see what happens. When you’re sitting in a chair, don’t lean forward when you’re having a conversation. Lean back. If you’re standing across from a man, put one foot behind the other and shift your weight so that you’re leaning away, not toward him.

“When you lean forward toward a man while you’re sitting or standing, it can feel masculine and aggressive to him.”

Do: Relax Your Hands

When women manage and multi-task, their hands get very tight. So do their shoulders and arms. Have you ever caught yourself balling your hands into a tight fist when you’re speaking with a man? This kind of body language feels tense and harsh to a man.

Instead, practice letting your wrists go limp and opening your palms. Move your hands in front of your body and imagine they have no bones at all in them. If you’re holding a glass or a fork, notice how tightly you’re gripping and allow your hands to soften. This small change will make you feel soft, feminine and calmer. It will force you to slow down and drop tension off your body.

Don’t: Have Tall Shoulders

See if you can catch yourself with your shoulders up around your ears. To a man, that looks like you’re ready to pounce. It reminds him of his own tension, and he doesn’t want to feel that in you. Keep a watch on where your shoulders are and consciously practice relaxing them and letting them fall.

Do: Step Back

If you feel a man pull back or lean away, it’s not enough to just lean back. Actually take a step backward. This is especially good in a relationship that’s getting disconnected.

Body Language Do's and Don'ts

Do: Dance

This isn’t about putting on music and doing a jig in the living room. To dance with a man is to let your body follow his lead in a romantic situation. When he steps forward, you step back, when he steps back, you allow yourself to flow forward. Imagine how this would work with phone calls, texts, e-mails… pretty much any conversation with a man. By allowing his lead, you’ll keep from focusing too much on him and losing the rhythm of your own body.

Dancing is about responding. It’s about being in the moment and not about trying to make things happen.

If you soften your body language in these ways, he’ll feel compelled to be around you, get to know you, and will feel more affectionate and romantic toward you.

You’ll be amazed at how small words, movements and gestures can make such a big difference in how he responds to you.

By Rori Raye

www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com